"I did it!"

The confession of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed -- or "KSM" as a terrorism expert on NPR kept calling him as though he were a celebrity like "Paris" or "Brangelina," which I guess to the terrorism crowd he probably is -- begins to take on the outline of a routine on Saturday Night Live. Before it's over, besides the many spectacular crimes he claims to have masterminded, expect him to take responsibility for fathering the baby of Anna Nicole Smith,* breaking up the Beatles, and kidnapping Judge Crater.

As for his "plans" -- to destroy Israeli and American embassies, military vessels, oil tankers, the stock exchange, the Empire State Building, the Brooklyn Bridge, Heathrow and Big Ben, NATO headquarters in Brussels, and 12 -- exactly 12 -- civilian airplanes "full of passengers," etc.; to assassinate Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Pope John Paul II (and to think the current pope was worried about Bob Dylan), Paki Prez Pervez Musharraf, et al; and...well...I "plan" to win the lottery.

The confession will clear a lot of cases and spruce up Bush's resume, which is all to the good, but what I really want to know is, is there actually an oil company in Sumatra, as the Times quotes the confession, "owned by the Jewish former secretary of state, Henry Kissinger"? How'd Henry the K pull that off? Now, as my dad used to say, that's interesting.

*"Please Note: No subscriptions for the Video Diary are being accepted." Is there no coffin cam?